Many of us neglect our own needs to avoid seeming self-centered — and then we wonder why we’re so unhappy — In my early twenties, the subject of “selfishness” came up frequently in my therapist’s office — specifically, my fear of being selfish. In my attempts to avoid selfishness, I was living in its opposite — and equally self-centered — extreme: self-negation. My therapist explained it like a thermometer: Boiling hot…

This advice may surprise you First, some context. I grew up in Alabama in the 1970s. Which is to say, I grew up without any real separation of Church and State. So although we were not a church-going household, I received a fairly typical education in that region’s mainstream religion. …

Could a focus on aging, sickness and death relieve your anxiety? The teachings of the Buddha are countercultural in the most radical ways, and there is no better example of this than the teaching known in Buddhism as the Five Reflections. …

There’s power in being a supporting actor — Temperamentally and statistically speaking, I’m a prime candidate for burnout even at the best of times. A serious child in a family that dealt with various mental illnesses and addictions, I was reading This Stranger My Son in the fourth grade. I was not unique among future therapists. …

The Metta Sutta as the heart of nonviolent communication When we take the traditional Five Precepts as part of a dedicated Dharma practice, we are first clearing our path of what is harmful. This is why the precepts are voiced in terms of what we don’t want to do. They…

But if you have, you’re not wrong — A year into the pandemic, I posted an article in response to an AoE prompt about burnout. That article, I Haven’t Burned Out Despite 1000s of Trauma Clients, looked at one specific thing that can help a therapist prevent burnout. It got pretty good feedback. …

Let’s assume — for the moment — that you want to be free Earlier this month I enjoyed a rich couple of days with ministerial students who were together for their first in-person retreat at Heartwood Refuge in North Carolina. These were 25 or so people — a beautiful array…

Allowing is a dance I first posted this article on my own website three years ago, when colleague Karen Moran and I were leading a class in Mindful Parenting. The framework for the class was built on the “5 A’s” of mindful loving — Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection and Allowing…

Touch has never been more important I first posted this article on my own website three years ago this month, back when colleague Karen Moran and I were leading a class in Mindful Parenting. The framework for the class was built on the “5 A’s” of mindful loving — Attention…